The Access Guide to Twin Peaks


An Owl is never without a friend. Whatever an Owl's lot in life, wherever they may be, whether living or dead, they cannot be forgotten. For, at the mystical hour of eleven, the heart of Owldom enlarges and throbs with recollection. An Owl is forever, and in Twin Peaks the OWL LODGE on Sparkwood road is always a haven for brother Owls. 555-OWLS


The elks that wander through our woods are a source of community pride. At one time, they roamed over most of the U.S. and Canada. Today their number has dwindled dangerously, especially West of the Rockies, where hunting has been indescriminate. Elk are prized for their spectacular antlers. Peek into the entrance of the TWIN PEAKS OWLS CLUB. The right-hand wall supports a rack that spans more than five feet. Or take a walk in the woods. You may be lucky enough to come upon one of these gentle giants munching on some DOUGLAS FIR needles.


A young man built a small hut for his mother-in-law beside his lodge. The old woman craved the intestines her daughter and husband ate rather than the beaver meat given to her. Luring her daughter into the woods to collect birch bark, the mother waited until the girl was in a tree before saying to her, "Daughter, sat Hu, Hu and fly away." After initially refusing, the girl did as she was told, transformed into an owl and flew away, leaving her skin among the branches of the birch tree. The mother slipped into it.

That night the mother enjoyed the fat of the beaver intestines before going to bed with her son-in-law. His wife landed atop the lodge. "Hu, Hu, you are sleeping with your mother-in-law." Already suspicious, the youth begged his wife to return. When she could not, he killed the mother-in-law and chased through the forest after his wife, imploring her to return. "I cannot", she said, "but you can say Hu, Hu and fly away with me." Repeating these words, he shed his skin and flew away with his wife as an owl.


18"-24", identified by widely spaced ear tufts. Mottled brown back, light chest. Will attack any medium-sized mammal or bird. Gives off the familiar, muffled Hoot. Male voice is higher-pitched than female, in concert they often harmonize in perfect thirds, though around Twin Peaks diminished sevenths are heard.


It is through the local indians that we first learned of OWL CAVE. If they did not carve the cave out of the landscape, they certainly discovered it. The FLATHEAD TRIBE used the cave to store pelts, hold meetings and elude their enemies. They also instilled the cave with great power and legend, saying that the cave was visited by the "Beyond" and that there had been "messages left" for them there. But, curiously, for a cave bearing such lofty legend, not much has been found of the time-no artifacts, drawings or the like.

[picture of recently found drawing of a dog like creature can be found on this page.]

The first white men to stumble onto, or into as it were, the cave were two confused Spanish trappers, EDWARDO DELEGATO and former prison inmate JOSE "SHORTEYES" MANUELA, who huddled in the cave during the BLIZZARD OF 1889. As the blizzard howled outside, legend tells us, they built a small but comfortable blaze and made shadowy figures on the wall with their hands that resemble the court of QUEEN ISABELLA.

Brochures of the time tell us that through the 1920's the cave was a popular spot to "take your favorite flapper and second-hand ukelele" and strum tunes of eternal love. As a newspaper report from the time tells, "There were enough hopes and dreams in that cave to make Ali Baba green with envy".

Owl cave played a great part in the apprehension of the PHELAN GANG that robbed a bank in Twin Peaks in the spring of 1933. They eluded an all-out search for the greater part of the day, but upon nightfall soon surrendered when the head of the gang, the bloodthirsty MILO PHELAN, became frightened by the dark and built a fire.

PRESIDENT TRUMAN visited the cave in 1948 on the campaign trail and became an honorary member of the FLATHEAD TRIBE. Soon after, the CIRCULARS took control of the cave for the duration of Truman's presidency. During that time it was referred to as "ELK CAVE", a moniker that was never taken seriously by anyone in the community.

Of late, the cave has held little interest for the town, except for the general opinion that it is a "darn good spot for a six pack and a sandwich." As MAYOR MILFORD has said, "Radio killed the cave for me." Where once there were grand celebrations on the day of the capture of the PHELAN GANG or on the anniversary of the blizzard, it is now mostly visited by couples who decided to get married there, or to do a little reminiscing about the good ol' days, or by older members of the flathead tribe for religious reasons.

Still, when visiting the town, OWL CAVE is a place to go and see and confront it's grand history. A place to sit and virtually close your eyes and think about stuff.


The CIRCULAR LODGE is a secret society of brothers and all interested parties are respectfully asked, with love and affection, to take their business elsewhere. We will continue to do good deeds in our own characteristically mysterious ways. On highway J. 555-6969.