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Twin Peaks Gazette

Preview Issue "Something is different." January, 1991

Move to Twin Peaks!

To become a resident of Twin Peaks
call 1-800-626-TWIN. You'll receive:
  • 12 issues of the Twin Peaks
    Gazette delivered every month

  • The address of your own home
    in Twin Peaks

  • A Twin Peaks Sheriff's
    Department coffee mug for that
    damn good cup of coffee.


Twin Peaks is more than just a spot on the map. It's a spot on the mind. So when you step off your front porch in Miami or wherever and wonder where the pine trees went, just turn around, go back inside, and look in the Gazette. We're here, really, and so are you. If you live in Twin Peaks, you know it.
Agent Cooper

Agent Cooper Makes Blacktie's Best-Dressed FBI Agent List

Special Agent Dale Cooper, the FBI agent who recently cracked the Laura Palmer murder case here in Twin Peaks, has made Mr. Blacktie's Ten Best-Dressed EBI Agents list for 1990. Making the list is not easy, as FBI agents tend to dress alike in a conservative, if not completely confidential, style with subtleties not easily detected by the untrained eye. But Mr. Blacktie is a professional critic whose list is exclusive to detectives, both federal and private.

"Agent Cooper always looks fabulous, even his pajamas make an elegant understatement. Cooper's an exceedingly well-dressed and well-spoken public servant," said Mr. Blacktie from his office in Washington, D.C. "He always looks cool and pressed, no matter how messy his work is."

Also making the list this year was Agent Gordon Cole, who had visited Twin Peaks recently. Agent Dennis Bryson, yet another federal investigator in town to fight crime, did not fare so well this year. Agent Bryson, AKA Denise, a cross-dresser, was criticized by Mr. Blacktie for his uneven hemlines and plunging necklines and was unceremoniously put on his Ten Worst-Dressed list.

We were unable to reach Agent Cooper tor comment and Agent Bryson's comments are not printable. We reached Agent Cole in Bend, Oregon, who said, "The trout are biting here. too!" which we assume to mean something relevant in detective lingo.
The Gazette is for Twin Peaks townsfolk, and with a subscription you will receive your own address in Twin Peaks. From there you'll find it's an easy walk to meet your friends at the Double R Cafe or shop at Horne's Denartment Store for "not-normally-available" Twin Peaks merchandise.

At once a small town newspaper, literary journal and mystery magazine, the Gazette will offer clues, contests, interviews, mental and metaphysical stimulation, serial fiction, a computer column, editorials, letters, advice, puzzles, and of course hard news regarding the goings-on in our special town. In the Gazette, our community can swap stories, express views, interaet.

We invite you to consider this paper a forum for your ruminations, cognitions and general opinions. Please send any letters, stories, articles, poetry, philosophy, drawings, or insights that you'd like to share with your neighbors. Any unusual goings-on you may notice around town will also be appreciated. Selected contributions will be published here in the newspaper in the smiling bag. Help us overturn those large flat rocks of unawareness that surround us and be astounded at what comes writhing out from underneath.

Highlights of the first issue include an interview with Richard Beymer, an Audrey Horne photo look-alike contest, and the introduction of regular columns like "Ask Chatterjee," "Cook's Corner" and "The Contest for the Gifted and the Damned."

Like the heady scent of coffee and cherry pie, the Gazette should serve as a reassuring constant in our community. Please feel free to stop by the Gazette offices or send your pressing thoughts to: the Twin Peaks Gazette, P.O. Box 1804, Pacific Palisades, CA 90272.


Audrey Horne

Do you look like Audrey Horne or just act like her? Do your saddle shoes steam, I mean, do to you really have the look? Send us your best Audrey-like photo and an essay of fifty words or less explaining how it is you look like you do, or rather, like Ms. Horne does. First prize winner will have his or her photo published in the Gazette and receive a $100 gift certificate. Remember, a lot can be done with make-up, lighting and the spirit of deceit. Photo by Paula Shimatsu-U

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